Life - Not Worth Celebrating

 Life - Not Worth Celebrating

I have been grappling of late with the feeling of being a friend in passing. Where people only message when they need something, or as a perfunctory thing in between actual events, with no stakes, and often only with responses of "Nice" and "Yeah".

And it makes me want to socially withdraw, which seems to compound the issue. It is this feeling of being socially outcast, where I have no one to discuss thoughts or emotions, even though I'm not actually 'down' or feeling negative, these connections are profoundly unsatisfying and commonly feel not worth the energy to develop further. I don't feel like the summation of human contact with others should be constantly through the lens of suffering or needing help.

Covid has emphasized this feeling of societal drift. I feel like I don't have anyone to celebrate with.

Maybe there's nothing worth celebrating.

Maybe I'm not worth celebrating.

Wire Run - Wreck

Wire Run - Wreck

Breathe in.

Breathe out. 

Breath in. 

Breathe out.

Breathe.

Stop. The last glimmering rays of a setting sun over the mountains. Refracted light bounces off steel and glass, these fading whispers of daytime, giving way to the neon shine of halogenic LED and false cathode crackle.

Stop.

Covid - On Empathy

Covid - On Empathy

I watched this video today.

It's funny, and it's a little silly, and then it's shocking...and then it is sad.

It's really, quite profoundly sad. As you watch these 8 people from outside the US observe just a series of clips, and images, and facts, presented honestly for consumption.

Theatre - On Covid

Theatre - On Covid

Patrick Lundeen posted a question on facebook that I happened to see, which made me go off a little bit. Not at him, but at the general trend of theatre in our ‘uncertain quarantine times’ in general.

Patrick wrote: 

Are Edmonton people planning on still trying to produce theatre in the fall?? 

Would you go see theatre in the fall?? 

Would you rehearse and perform a play in the fall?? 

Interested to hear my community’s thoughts on all this…

I wound up responding off the cuff with:

I have no plans or am included in any plans to produce in-person theatre in the fall or really anything before 2021. And I wouldn't go see any either. Truthfully, I don't think producers are taking very seriously the actual consequences of worst-case scenarios for their audiences, or for their performers and crew. The burden for years has fallen unnecessarily on talent, stage managers, and crew to absorb the burdens of leadership failings and in the past (and today), those burdens caused injuries, trauma, and abuses of pay and time.

Now that those failings could literally kill multiple people in and around our communities, I see no real reason to trust theatres on that front.

But since that reply, I've added a lot more personal thoughts here.

Education - Discrimination and Burdens of Informing

Education - Discrimination and Burdens of Informing

After four invitations to join a private anti-racism theatre group (which so far has turned out...reasonably well) one of the first actions is to introduce yourself and to post/share something on the subject in order to enrich fellow artists and practitioners.

I eventually settled on Azudi Onyejekwe's https://thetheatretimes.com/the-dangers-of-optical-illusionary-performative-activism/

But I agonized over the many thoughts and possibilities I could've put up. Actually what took me so long was that I felt exhausted.

Art - Final Fantasy 7 Remake - Meditation 2

Art - Final Fantasy 7 Remake - Meditation 2

The following contains spoilers for the Final Fantasy 7 Remake, specifically for Chapter 12. You should be done Chapter 12 and firmly into Chapter 13 if you don't want to be spoiled on anything.

I hate spoilers, and I will always try to protect readers/viewers/audience where possible.

Art - Final Fantasy 7 Remake - Meditation 1

Art - Final Fantasy 7 Remake - Meditation 1

This is a spoiler for part of Final Fantasy 7.

Wire Run - Protest

Wire Run - Protest

"They deserved better." Were words found graffitied on a concrete wall beneath the overpass in the rain. And the words were true, red paint stain running down into a black drain.

But truth did not justice make.

Thoughts - Valentines

Thoughts - Valentines

For Valentine's day, I went alone at night to the gym and worked over a heavy bag for an hour, with only the company of concrete and sodium lights. The sound of passing traffic on the highway, and the slow fall of blood from my lip where I bite too hard.

Comic - A State of Motion - Pascal Campion

Comic - A State of Motion - Pascal Campion

Just something to hearten your day.

Drinax - Ahamkara, Wake Up

Drinax - Ahamkara, Wake Up

Ahamkara.

Wake up.

Eyes open. Prey.

Prey.

But not. A gloved hand, a masked face. Familiar.

The scent of some flower. What they call flowers.

Ahamkara

Wake up.