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Tuesday, February 26, 2019

Sunday, February 24, 2019

Life - Exhaust

Life - Exhaust

There are moments in my life when the incandescent rage in my chest burns out. It sputters and coughs, dying into weak embers.

And I feel cold... and empty.

It's moments like those, I wonder what's really holding me together, except for this strange
self induced agony.

Saturday, February 23, 2019

Quotes - Energy - Stephen King

Quotes - Energy - Stephen King

"The energy you drew on so extravagantly when you were a kid, the energy you thought would never exhaust itself - that slipped away somewhere between eighteen and twenty-four, to be replaced by something much duller, something as bogus as a coke high: purpose, maybe, or goals, or whatever rah-rah junior Chamber of Commerce word you wanted to use. It was no big deal; it didn't go all at once, with a bang. And maybe, Richie thought, that's the scary part. How you didn't stop being a  kid all at once, with a big explosive bang, like one of that clown's trick balloon. The kid in you just leaked out, like the air of a tire."
-Stephen King

Friday, February 8, 2019

Life - Quiet New Year

Life - Quiet New Year

It was Lunar New Year earlier this week.

There are a bunch of traditions around New Year. You're not supposed to shower away the good luck on the day, or shave. You're supposed to have already cleaned the night before, so there are many places for luck, prosperity, and happiness to fill.

I didn't really do that.

I worked late on a stressful project.

Picked up a quick to go meal.

Ate alone, listened to music, and went to sleep.

It's the most depressing Lunar New Year I've had in forever. Except for calling my own parents, no other phone calls, no other real well wishes. Just a really empty moment.

It's weird, because I keep looking at the last few weeks of my life, which seem to be filled with work and walking through the dark. I've become like those Salarymen, collecting a paycheque for doing a bunch of managerial work that feels...empty.