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Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Dusters - Erasure

Dusters - Erasure

I would've liked to have known more.

It was interesting in the silence, around the rise and fall of my own heartbeat, the sort of sublime elegance in the flakes of rusty dust to have realized that moment.  I would have liked to have known more, to have seen more, done more, been more places, said more words, to know.  More.

I could feel her behind me, silent feet stirring up the ash and flecks, there was a causality to her movements, a sort of twinged, predatory hunger.

She broke the silence.

"Do you have any final words?"

I looked at her then, steel and ice, and realized I knew her not at all in that moment.  She had become another thing, a different thing and I understood.  I was not exactly afraid, but nor was there any anxiety, it was as though all things had settled, and I felt balanced.

"I never saw a sunrise."

She scoffed then, "You saw plenty, on many different worlds and from many different places"

"No.  I think I never really saw one."  And that was a truth.

I bowed my head, and closed my eyes.

The rapport of the gun was strangely quiet, and I knew, but did not feel the world move into darkness.

Sunday, July 28, 2013

Writing - Saturday Night - Quantity

Writing - Saturday Night - Quantity

Quantity

Writing - Saturday Night Drills

Writing - Saturday Night Writing Drills

Together.  Quality.

You won't open this for some time.  I gave explicit instructions that you'd not be given it until the right time, so if you are reading it now, I hope it's the right time.  Either that, or you blasted Uncle Mayhew can't be trusted for anything.  Not even a dying woman's wish.  Bastard.

Where was I?  Oh right.  You should ignore that part, it's not nice to think unkindly of the dead.  See, you're thinking I was a mean old bat.  I guess I was.  You'd be right.  But you should know that this mean old bat always wanted the best for you.  That's why I pushed you so hard, that's why I didn't let you go to Susan's birthday party because you hadn't finished your paper route that day.  I know you were angry, you teared up and even skipped dinner that night.  I remember it well.  I should've let you go, after all she only turns 8 once, but you were the one who didn't do the paper route.  I was just the enforcer of that moment.

Where was I?  Oh right.

You should ignore that part too.  I could go back and just write a new letter, but that feels like cheating.  I hope you never cheat, you should always lay all your cards out on the table.  That's the most important thing in life, lay all your cards out, and make sure that people can say above all else that you are honest and are worth a day's labour.  Really.  Because if you're not honest, and you can't do a good day's work, then you're no daughter of mine.

But you are my daughter.  I hope you're not a mean old shrew like I am now, but that you're a wonderful young woman.  I hope you're hard though, just a little bit around the edges.  I hope you know well and good how to haggle for a sack of sugar, damned things are so expensive that they need a little haggling.  I hope you laugh though, you'll remember that I always had time to stop for a laugh.  Laughter is the best medicine, especially laughing at other people.  I kid!  I kid!  Maybe.  No not really, laughing at your father when he fell off the roof was one of the funniest things that ever happened to me.  He got me back he did, but it was funny all the same.

I think you've read this far expecting that I'd give you some kind of sage wisdom today.  That there'd be some kind of tell all-reveal of motherly advice to a daughter that would make this all seem somewhat more palatable.  Well there isn't.  Put that in your pipe and smoke it.  I hope you don't smoke.  And if you do I hope you have the good sense to brush your teeth after you do.  Don't kiss that boy with a smokey mouth.  It's disgusting.

Alright, I'm running out of page, so here's the last few words.  Stand up straight, don't be afraid to cry, speak clearly when you make a promise, and if that sonofabitch lays a hand on you the wrong way you take out his front teeth.  With fist or pliers, it don't matter.  You should remember that you're my daughter when you walk down that aisle today.  My daughter and I couldn't be more proud.  You were made of sterner, stronger stuff than me, and you get to prove it today.  So walk with your head tall, because I'll always be with you, my darling baby girl.

I love you.

Your mother,
Claire.

PS. If your Uncle Mayhew really did give you this early, you turn around right now and you tell him he's an asshole, and that I never did write him a letter about where I buried his favourite pocket-watch.  That sucker's long gone in the creek mud.  Asshole.

Monday, July 22, 2013

Life - Dead Reckoning

Life - Dead Reckoning

n. to find yourself bothered by someone’s death more than you would have expected, as if you assumed they would always be part of the landscape, like a lighthouse you could pass by for years until the night it suddenly goes dark, leaving you with one less landmark to navigate by—still able to find your bearings, but feeling all that much more adrift.

#dictionaryofobscuresorrows

Thursday, July 18, 2013

Drabble - Hero

Drabble - Hero

You are not the hero of your own story.  Your story is filled with the heroism and villainy of other people.  Why be the hero of one, when you could reach out and be the hero of many.

#3amthoughts

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Society - Wesly Hall

Society - Wesley Hall

Wesley Hall wrote the following...rant?  Essay?  Reflection?  I don't even know, but it's incredibly eye-opening.  A part of it is of course in response to the Zimmerman/Trayvon racial controversy that has been taking the states by storm.  But it also provides a deep and somewhat chilling look at how our society views itself, and what we need to grapple with.


Monday, July 15, 2013

Life - Game Jam

Life - Game Jam

I remember my first concert call pretty well.  It was 18 hours long, it was the first time I'd been doing a job (and being paid!) where I was surrounded by a lot of similar people and skillsets.  You know up until that point I had pushed buttons on a register, delivered boxes, hung lights or wired cables among two or three other people, but your first concert call, that's a pretty crazy day.  You show up and sit at a plastic table 20 minutes early, surrounded by 100+ people, everyone is checking gear, tying up laces, strapping themselves into harnesses.  I was nervously adjusting the tightness on my hardhat, hoping that it wasn't too shiny so that people would know I'd only worn it once before.

12, grueling, box-pushing, steel lifting and bolting hours later, my arms were worn down, I could barely feel my shoulders, my feet hurt to stand on and I was bleary eyed.  The call-steward came over to me and said "Hey, we're trimming down to about a dozen guys for another 4 hours, we saw you work pretty hard, do you want to do the extra call?"  My chest swelled with pride, someone noticed!  Of course I wanted to work that extra 4 hours.  It turned out to be an extra 6 hours, but they flew by.  Six and a half hours later, I was catching the morning train home, curled up on a seat while dawn broke across the horizon.  You have that moment when your body is bone weary, exhausted.  Where every thought hurts to consider, your motions are on autopilot, your feet drag and your head bobs just a little too much.  Your eyes are never more than half open.  But somehow, in your chest is this feeling of pride.  You were part of a huge team, you accomplished something, you got to see in immediacy this kind of interesting creation and know that you were one of the people that made it happen.

Friday, July 12, 2013

Game Design - Rising

Game Design - Rising

Tonight our team of 5, Mike, Noah, Adam, Izzy and Myself are participating in a 48 hour game jam.  Over the course of 48 hours we will make a game featuring a strong female protagonist.  This is my first pass at writing the game story, done in the last two hours with a bunch of research and design, hopefully about to unfurl in a wonderful way.

Life is an adventure and we're embarking on it right now!

Thursday, July 11, 2013

Life - Nighthawk

Life - Nighthawk

n. a recurring thought that only seems to strike you late at night—an overdue task, a nagging guilt, a looming and shapeless future—that circles high overhead during the day, that pecks at the back of your mind while you try to sleep, that you can successfully ignore for weeks, only to feel its presence hovering outside the window, waiting for you to finish your coffee, passing the time by quietly building a nest.

#DictionaryOfObscureSorrows