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Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Wrap up - 2013

Wrap up - 2013

2013, a year of travel, of friends, art and hard work.  A lot more sunrises and sunsets then I usually see.  A lot more drawing, a lot more coding.  A lot of moments, a tremendous amount of fun.  A bit of sadness, a lot of truth.  Some difficulty, some hardship, and a lot of change.

It was a year of seeing more of the world, of shaking hands, of meeting people.  Of adding friends, saying hello, sharing jokes, and laughs, and beers under a cerulean sky.  It was a year of selfies with my peeps, of late night laughs with Kristi, Cole, Keith, Ben, Tessa, Eric and Amber.  It was a year of sampling bagels in another place.  It was a year of eating on the pier as seagulls wandered over to have a chat.  It was a year of standing arms open and waiting.

Thursday, December 26, 2013

Life - Taser 84 - Pick Yourself Up

Life - Taser84 - Pick Yourself Up

A brilliant encouraging post from Taser84 on Reddit in response to someone asking how not to feel like he wasted his 20s as he's about to turn 30.


Wednesday, December 25, 2013

Writing - Otter

Writing - Otter

About 3 months or so ago, Rachel challenged me to write something about an otter, or otters if that was my preference.  I don't remember but I don't think there was anything else stipulated beyond that.  I've written six stories now about otters, and most of them I don't like.  Today I wrote this one, the first sad one (write what you like) and I love the flow of it.  One hour, writing and thinking.  Unedited.  Otter.


Tuesday, December 24, 2013

Writing - GreatPastaWars - Word Construction

Writing - GreatPastaWars - Word Construction

TheGreatPastaWars wrote this awesome little story on writingprompts.  The reading of it feels really repetitive in a sense, rhythmic, and then you recognize exactly why it feels that way, and it is a masterful construction of language.

Simply sublime.


Monday, December 16, 2013

Writing - Jiro Dreams of Sushi, and Art

Writing - Jiro Dreams of Sushi

I finally watched Jiro Dreams of Sushi tonight.  It's a movie that won a number of awards last year, especially for its visual cinematography.

Sometimes, especially after having done a lot of work for a long stretch of time, I need to take some time or a few days to compress.

Thursday, December 5, 2013

Quotes - Nelson Mandela - Freedom

Quotes - Nelson Mandela - Freedom

"For to be free is not merely to cast off one's chains, but to live in a way that respects and enhances the freedom of others." - Nelson Mandela.

Rest in Piece sir.

Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Quotes - Hayao Miyazaki - On Romance

Quotes - Hayao Miyazaki - On Romance

I’ve become skeptical of the unwritten rule that just because a boy and girl appear in the same feature, a romance must ensue. Rather, I want to portray a slightly different relationship, one where the two mutually inspire each other to live– if I’ m able to, then perhaps I’ll be closer to portraying a true expression of love.

- Hayao Miyazaki


Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Quotes - Harvey Milk - On Love

Quotes - Harvey Milk - On Love

“Go after her. Fuck, don’t sit there and wait for her to call. Go after her because that’s what you should do if you love someone, don’t wait for them to give you a sign because it might never come. Don’t let people happen to you, don’t let me happen to you, or her, she’s not a fucking television show or tornado. There are people I might have loved had they gotten on the airplane or run down the street after me or called me up drunk at four in the morning because they need to tell me right now and because they cannot regret this and I always thought I’d be the only one doing crazy things for people who would never give enough of a fuck to do it back or to act like idiots or be entirely vulnerable and honest and making someone fall in love with you is easy and flying 3000 miles on four days notice because you can’t just sit there and do nothing and breathe into telephones is not everyone’s idea of love but it is the way I can recognize it because that is what I do. Go scream it and be with her in meaningful ways because that is beautiful and that is generous and that is what loving someone is, that is raw and that is unguarded, and that is all that is worth anything, really.”

- Harvey Milk

Monday, November 18, 2013

Rants - Steve Albini - The Problem With Music

Rants - Steve Albini - The Problem With Music

THE PROBLEM WITH MUSIC


This oft-referenced article is from the early ’90s, and originally appeared in Maximum Rock ‘n’ Roll magazine. While some of the information and figures listed here are dated, it is still a useful and informative article. And no, we don’t know how to reach Steve Albini.

-Negativland

Friday, November 15, 2013

Creux - Essence

Creux - Essence

Sometimes you write something that makes no sense.  Actually I write a lot of things that make no sense.  I have to toe a strange line between both being absolutely clear in the execution of my communication, but also give it a sense of artistic styling to convey how it should feel.

Sometimes I get it right.

Sometimes I get it wrong.


Thursday, November 14, 2013

Soap Box - Ford

Soap Box - Ford

I'm not defending Ford by any means, but every time someone points out the fact that he is fat, as though that is somehow the core reason for his main failing as a politician I somewhat want to throw up.  Our society has made it alright to lampoon him based on his appearance, his level of physical fitness (or apparent lack thereof).

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Connection - Subway Girl

Connection - Subway Girl

I stand with eyes closed, and the ripple play of a violin etches its way through my body.  I can feel rhythms from the top of my head down through to the soles of my feet.  Again, again.  Rhythmic and motion, a push and pull.  The casual grip of fingers through touch-less gloves as the ebb and twist of the subway cars bounce me like a bow string, legs bend and straighten, and my weight drifts on the flowing river of steel.  I am no longer he who is remembered, but a force of nature.

My mind slips away.

Friday, November 8, 2013

Posts - Harry Leslie Smith

 Posts - Harry Leslie Smith

Harry Leslie Smith wrote this article regarding the poppy in the Guardian.

It's given me something sharp and critical to think about, and I thought I'd share it.

Sunday, October 27, 2013

Quotes - Magic

Quotes - Magic

"There's a bit of magic in everything,
and some loss to even things out."
 - Lou Reed (March 2, 1942 – October 27, 2013)

Thursday, October 24, 2013

Art - Blank pages

Art - Blank pages

Beginning art is paralyzing.  I know that from having lived as an 'emerging' or 'young' artist for so long.  Beginning ideas, putting words to thoughts, brush to page, or ink to paper is a paralyzing task.  It's a vulnerable proposition, committing.  I used to think of myself as being generally noncommittal, floating through life where the currents take me, but I've begun to realize that in fact to be a good artist, you need to have a sort of sense of stubbornness to you.

Beginning things starts with the simplest of things for me.  Sometimes I watch ink run down a page, or the interaction of people.  I scrawl notes on scrap paper, quick little ink drawings of gestures and facial expressions.  I concoct elaborate scenarios and scenes in my mind of how moments might have played themselves out.  The exchanges of people, the gestures, the way they look at each other, their worlds and what they see.

Pull back the camera, look at them, study their motions, imagine their home life, their relationships.

Their thoughts.

And then I throw it all away and ask them.

People are blank pages until you ask.

I'm no longer paralyzed by creating new things, there are no new things to create, only existing stories to be cataloged, imagined, and shared.

Saturday, October 12, 2013

Life - Last Priority

Life - Last Priority

Here's the truth, if you treat other people like they're always your last priority?  You know the "Yeah if I don't have anything else I'll consider it..." the "Sure maybe, I'll think about it."

Eventually people catch on.  I'm not the sharpest social knife in the drawer, but I'm tired of being taken advantage of.  I think I cook a pretty damn good meal, and am a fun host.  I haven't had thanksgiving with my own family in 9 years.  Every year I try and have a little slice of thanksgiving for my friends who are without homes to go to, without family to make them a good home cooked meal, the orphans of the city where we are, us artists who can't afford sometimes to make a real meal.

I don't have to do this.  I don't at all, I get that.  But it makes me so angry when I'm the lowest priority on the totem pole for people.  The fallback.  The noncommital.  If we have nothing else to do, we can always join Lester's.

Well fuck you.

Thanksgiving is cancelled.  No turkey for anyone. 

Monday, September 30, 2013

Life - Dishonest

Life - Dishonest

This might be a bit more...true to life than most of my writings.  Anyway Patrick and I have been house hunting for the last month, either for a 2 bedroom place for ourselves or for a house that can enclose us and all our proverbial roommates at the moment, all of us orphans in Vancouver who have no family.

Monday, September 23, 2013

Writing - Missed Connection

Writing - Missed Connection

Posted to Brooklyn's Missed connection section.  A lovely piece of prose/wordplay. Haunting and wistful all at once.



I saw you on the Manhattan-bound Brooklyn Q train.


I was wearing a blue-striped t-shirt and a pair of maroon pants. You were wearing a vintage red skirt and a smart white blouse. We both wore glasses. I guess we still do.


You got on at DeKalb and sat across from me and we made eye contact, briefly. I fell in love with you a little bit, in that stupid way where you completely make up a fictional version of the person you're looking at and fall in love with that person. But still I think there was something there.


Several times we looked at each other and then looked away. I tried to think of something to say to you — maybe pretend I didn't know where I was going and ask you for directions or say something nice about your boot-shaped earrings, or just say, "Hot day." It all seemed so stupid.


At one point, I caught you staring at me and you immediately averted your eyes. You pulled a book out of your bag and started reading it — a biography of Lyndon Johnson — but I noticed you never once turned a page.


My stop was Union Square, but at Union Square I decided to stay on, rationalizing that I could just as easily transfer to the 7 at 42nd Street, but then I didn't get off at 42nd Street either. You must have missed your stop as well, because when we got all the way to the end of the line at Ditmars, we both just sat there in the car, waiting.


I cocked my head at you inquisitively. You shrugged and held up your book as if that was the reason.


Still I said nothing.


We took the train all the way back down — down through Astoria, across the East River, weaving through midtown, from Times Square to Herald Square to Union Square, under SoHo and Chinatown, up across the bridge back into Brooklyn, past Barclays and Prospect Park, past Flatbush and Midwood and Sheepshead Bay, all the way to Coney Island. And when we got to Coney Island, I knew I had to say something.


Still I said nothing.


And so we went back up.


Up and down the Q line, over and over. We caught the rush hour crowds and then saw them thin out again. We watched the sun set over Manhattan as we crossed the East River. I gave myself deadlines: I'll talk to her before Newkirk; I'll talk to her before Canal. Still I remained silent.


For months we sat on the train saying nothing to each other. We survived on bags of skittles sold to us by kids raising money for their basketball teams. We must have heard a million mariachi bands, had our faces nearly kicked in by a hundred thousand break dancers. I gave money to the beggars until I ran out of singles. When the train went above ground I'd get text messages and voicemails ("Where are you? What happened? Are you okay?") until my phone ran out of battery.


I'll talk to her before daybreak; I'll talk to her before Tuesday. The longer I waited, the harder it got. What could I possibly say to you now, now that we've passed this same station for the hundredth time? Maybe if I could go back to the first time the Q switched over to the local R line for the weekend, I could have said, "Well, this is inconvenient," but I couldn't very well say it now, could I? I would kick myself for days after every time you sneezed — why hadn't I said "Bless You"? That tiny gesture could have been enough to pivot us into a conversation, but here in stupid silence still we sat.


There were nights when we were the only two souls in the car, perhaps even on the whole train, and even then I felt self-conscious about bothering you. She's reading her book, I thought, she doesn't want to talk to me. Still, there were moments when I felt a connection. Someone would shout something crazy about Jesus and we'd immediately look at each other to register our reactions. A couple of teenagers would exit, holding hands, and we'd both think: Young Love.


For sixty years, we sat in that car, just barely pretending not to notice each other. I got to know you so well, if only peripherally. I memorized the folds of your body, the contours of your face, the patterns of your breath. I saw you cry once after you'd glanced at a neighbor's newspaper. I wondered if you were crying about something specific, or just the general passage of time, so unnoticeable until suddenly noticeable. I wanted to comfort you, wrap my arms around you, assure you I knew everything would be fine, but it felt too familiar; I stayed glued to my seat.


One day, in the middle of the afternoon, you stood up as the train pulled into Queensboro Plaza. It was difficult for you, this simple task of standing up, you hadn't done it in sixty years. Holding onto the rails, you managed to get yourself to the door. You hesitated briefly there, perhaps waiting for me to say something, giving me one last chance to stop you, but rather than spit out a lifetime of suppressed almost-conversations I said nothing, and I watched you slip out between the closing sliding doors.


It took me a few more stops before I realized you were really gone. I kept waiting for you to reenter the subway car, sit down next to me, rest your head on my shoulder. Nothing would be said. Nothing would need to be said.


When the train returned to Queensboro Plaza, I craned my neck as we entered the station. Perhaps you were there, on the platform, still waiting. Perhaps I would see you, smiling and bright, your long gray hair waving in the wind from the oncoming train.


But no, you were gone. And I realized most likely I would never see you again. And I thought about how amazing it is that you can know somebody for sixty years and yet still not really know that person at all.


I stayed on the train until it got to Union Square, at which point I got off and transferred to the L.

Sunday, September 15, 2013

Life - 4Am

Life - 4AM

It's 4 in the morning and I spat blood into the sink, cold water flows and my face is illuminated by a cascade of iridescent lightbulbs.  I watch the copper tinge swirl twice around the clamshell cutout, and as my blood runs down, I realize I do not care.

Saturday, September 14, 2013

Hacker Koan - Uncarved Block

Hacker Koan - Uncarved Block

In the days when Sussman was a novice, Minsky once came to him as he sat hacking at the PDP-6.
"What are you doing?", asked Minsky.
"I am training a randomly wired neural net to play Tic-tac-toe", Sussman replied.
"Why is the net wired randomly?", asked Minsky.
"I do not want it to have any preconceptions of how to play", Sussman said.
Minsky then shut his eyes.
"Why do you close your eyes?" Sussman asked his teacher.
"So that the room will be empty."
At that moment, Sussman was enlightened.

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Humans of New York - Poland

Humans of New York - Poland

"I lived in Poland, so we were persecuted from the first day of the war. First they took us from our home, then they put us in a ghetto, then they made us march, then they sent us to the camps. I was separated from everyone, but my brother later told me that my father froze to death. But I have children now, and grandchildren, and great grandchildren— a great big family, all of them educated. Look at everything that came from just one person who escaped. Just goes to show that you can never kill a people with hate. There will always be someone left to carry on.”

http://fenrisravynn.tumblr.com/post/60912719592/humansofnewyork-i-lived-in-poland-so-we-were

Monday, August 26, 2013

Gabe - Dad Stuff

Gabe - Dad Stuff

I was driving in the car yesterday with my son who is currently 8. It was just the two of us and the song Same Love by Macklemore came on the radio. I like the song but I looked over and saw that Gabe was being really quiet. He was obviously thinking. You can always tell when an eight year old is working through something in their head. I listened to the lyrics and thought “wow here it comes. He’s gonna ask about what it means to be gay and I gotta have an answer ready,”

So I started working through my response in my head. “son” I’d say “sometimes boys love girls and girls love boys. But sometimes boys love boys and girls love girls. That’s what being gay means and there’s nothing wrong with it that’s just how some people are born. Some people might tell you that being gay is bad but that’s not true.  In fact there are people we love, friends and even people in our family who are gay.” I felt like that was a pretty solid start. Obviously I’d need to go into the concept of gay marriage and try and explain why certain people don’t like it. I’d need to talk about religion and how that colors certain people’s views. I figured I would play by ear after that and field any follow up questions as they came.

Sure enough he said “can I ask you something Dad?”

“Sure buddy” I responded

He turns to me and asks “do you think Master Chief could beat a Kaiju all by himself?”

Please be eight forever son.

-Gabe out



I just really adored this little snippet into parenting, thoughtfulness and geekery.  Adore.

Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Dusters - Erasure

Dusters - Erasure

I would've liked to have known more.

It was interesting in the silence, around the rise and fall of my own heartbeat, the sort of sublime elegance in the flakes of rusty dust to have realized that moment.  I would have liked to have known more, to have seen more, done more, been more places, said more words, to know.  More.

I could feel her behind me, silent feet stirring up the ash and flecks, there was a causality to her movements, a sort of twinged, predatory hunger.

She broke the silence.

"Do you have any final words?"

I looked at her then, steel and ice, and realized I knew her not at all in that moment.  She had become another thing, a different thing and I understood.  I was not exactly afraid, but nor was there any anxiety, it was as though all things had settled, and I felt balanced.

"I never saw a sunrise."

She scoffed then, "You saw plenty, on many different worlds and from many different places"

"No.  I think I never really saw one."  And that was a truth.

I bowed my head, and closed my eyes.

The rapport of the gun was strangely quiet, and I knew, but did not feel the world move into darkness.

Sunday, July 28, 2013

Writing - Saturday Night - Quantity

Writing - Saturday Night - Quantity

Quantity

Writing - Saturday Night Drills

Writing - Saturday Night Writing Drills

Together.  Quality.

You won't open this for some time.  I gave explicit instructions that you'd not be given it until the right time, so if you are reading it now, I hope it's the right time.  Either that, or you blasted Uncle Mayhew can't be trusted for anything.  Not even a dying woman's wish.  Bastard.

Where was I?  Oh right.  You should ignore that part, it's not nice to think unkindly of the dead.  See, you're thinking I was a mean old bat.  I guess I was.  You'd be right.  But you should know that this mean old bat always wanted the best for you.  That's why I pushed you so hard, that's why I didn't let you go to Susan's birthday party because you hadn't finished your paper route that day.  I know you were angry, you teared up and even skipped dinner that night.  I remember it well.  I should've let you go, after all she only turns 8 once, but you were the one who didn't do the paper route.  I was just the enforcer of that moment.

Where was I?  Oh right.

You should ignore that part too.  I could go back and just write a new letter, but that feels like cheating.  I hope you never cheat, you should always lay all your cards out on the table.  That's the most important thing in life, lay all your cards out, and make sure that people can say above all else that you are honest and are worth a day's labour.  Really.  Because if you're not honest, and you can't do a good day's work, then you're no daughter of mine.

But you are my daughter.  I hope you're not a mean old shrew like I am now, but that you're a wonderful young woman.  I hope you're hard though, just a little bit around the edges.  I hope you know well and good how to haggle for a sack of sugar, damned things are so expensive that they need a little haggling.  I hope you laugh though, you'll remember that I always had time to stop for a laugh.  Laughter is the best medicine, especially laughing at other people.  I kid!  I kid!  Maybe.  No not really, laughing at your father when he fell off the roof was one of the funniest things that ever happened to me.  He got me back he did, but it was funny all the same.

I think you've read this far expecting that I'd give you some kind of sage wisdom today.  That there'd be some kind of tell all-reveal of motherly advice to a daughter that would make this all seem somewhat more palatable.  Well there isn't.  Put that in your pipe and smoke it.  I hope you don't smoke.  And if you do I hope you have the good sense to brush your teeth after you do.  Don't kiss that boy with a smokey mouth.  It's disgusting.

Alright, I'm running out of page, so here's the last few words.  Stand up straight, don't be afraid to cry, speak clearly when you make a promise, and if that sonofabitch lays a hand on you the wrong way you take out his front teeth.  With fist or pliers, it don't matter.  You should remember that you're my daughter when you walk down that aisle today.  My daughter and I couldn't be more proud.  You were made of sterner, stronger stuff than me, and you get to prove it today.  So walk with your head tall, because I'll always be with you, my darling baby girl.

I love you.

Your mother,
Claire.

PS. If your Uncle Mayhew really did give you this early, you turn around right now and you tell him he's an asshole, and that I never did write him a letter about where I buried his favourite pocket-watch.  That sucker's long gone in the creek mud.  Asshole.

Monday, July 22, 2013

Life - Dead Reckoning

Life - Dead Reckoning

n. to find yourself bothered by someone’s death more than you would have expected, as if you assumed they would always be part of the landscape, like a lighthouse you could pass by for years until the night it suddenly goes dark, leaving you with one less landmark to navigate by—still able to find your bearings, but feeling all that much more adrift.

#dictionaryofobscuresorrows

Thursday, July 18, 2013

Drabble - Hero

Drabble - Hero

You are not the hero of your own story.  Your story is filled with the heroism and villainy of other people.  Why be the hero of one, when you could reach out and be the hero of many.

#3amthoughts

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Society - Wesly Hall

Society - Wesley Hall

Wesley Hall wrote the following...rant?  Essay?  Reflection?  I don't even know, but it's incredibly eye-opening.  A part of it is of course in response to the Zimmerman/Trayvon racial controversy that has been taking the states by storm.  But it also provides a deep and somewhat chilling look at how our society views itself, and what we need to grapple with.


Monday, July 15, 2013

Life - Game Jam

Life - Game Jam

I remember my first concert call pretty well.  It was 18 hours long, it was the first time I'd been doing a job (and being paid!) where I was surrounded by a lot of similar people and skillsets.  You know up until that point I had pushed buttons on a register, delivered boxes, hung lights or wired cables among two or three other people, but your first concert call, that's a pretty crazy day.  You show up and sit at a plastic table 20 minutes early, surrounded by 100+ people, everyone is checking gear, tying up laces, strapping themselves into harnesses.  I was nervously adjusting the tightness on my hardhat, hoping that it wasn't too shiny so that people would know I'd only worn it once before.

12, grueling, box-pushing, steel lifting and bolting hours later, my arms were worn down, I could barely feel my shoulders, my feet hurt to stand on and I was bleary eyed.  The call-steward came over to me and said "Hey, we're trimming down to about a dozen guys for another 4 hours, we saw you work pretty hard, do you want to do the extra call?"  My chest swelled with pride, someone noticed!  Of course I wanted to work that extra 4 hours.  It turned out to be an extra 6 hours, but they flew by.  Six and a half hours later, I was catching the morning train home, curled up on a seat while dawn broke across the horizon.  You have that moment when your body is bone weary, exhausted.  Where every thought hurts to consider, your motions are on autopilot, your feet drag and your head bobs just a little too much.  Your eyes are never more than half open.  But somehow, in your chest is this feeling of pride.  You were part of a huge team, you accomplished something, you got to see in immediacy this kind of interesting creation and know that you were one of the people that made it happen.

Friday, July 12, 2013

Game Design - Rising

Game Design - Rising

Tonight our team of 5, Mike, Noah, Adam, Izzy and Myself are participating in a 48 hour game jam.  Over the course of 48 hours we will make a game featuring a strong female protagonist.  This is my first pass at writing the game story, done in the last two hours with a bunch of research and design, hopefully about to unfurl in a wonderful way.

Life is an adventure and we're embarking on it right now!

Thursday, July 11, 2013

Life - Nighthawk

Life - Nighthawk

n. a recurring thought that only seems to strike you late at night—an overdue task, a nagging guilt, a looming and shapeless future—that circles high overhead during the day, that pecks at the back of your mind while you try to sleep, that you can successfully ignore for weeks, only to feel its presence hovering outside the window, waiting for you to finish your coffee, passing the time by quietly building a nest.

#DictionaryOfObscureSorrows

Sunday, June 23, 2013

Events - Sunday Digital Brunch

Events - Sunday Digital Brunch

I sat down this morning with my breakfast and watched the internet spiral by for a while as I usually do.  Keeping up with the unfolding disaster in Calgary, reading the news, both internet based and real world.  It's a quiet morning, one roommate already gone to work, the other isn't a morning person.  It's langourously sleepy, and for a while, I contemplate going back to taking a nap.

A twitter message pops up, some friends I made from Pax, gamers like me, who are scattered all over the continent.

I smirk, laugh, and then insert my own zany rebuttal.  Before I can even finish my tea, the comments and messages are flying fast, dozens of messages, we're roping other people into the conversation, all over twitter!  140 characters doesn't have anything on our reconnecting.  Jokes and snarks, more laughter, I'm wide awake.

It's like sunday brunch.  You know, when you get together with your friends or your family over a leisurely meal on sunday morning.  You have nowhere to be, and nothing to do, you just relax, and reconnect with one another.  Except we're separated by literally thousands of miles.  We're actually on opposite corners of the continent (somewhat).

But the internet, the speed of connection has made our worlds instantaneously hooked in.

We're just a bunch of friends having brunch (or lunch, or afternoon tea), connecting over laughs.

That's pretty awesome.

Thursday, June 20, 2013

Navarre Island - Benedict's Letter to Despina

Navarre Island - Benedict's Letter to Despina

I had an assignment today to write different fictional pieces of writing that would fit into my campaign world.  I wrote a letter from Benedict to his unborn daughter, Despina.


Thoughts - The Problem With Records

Thoughts - The Problem With Records

We live in a strange age, this internet era of ours.  What we have come to realize is that everything, everything and anything you say or write can be recorded.  For that matter, not only can be, but usually is.  Your emails, your blog posts, your facebook status, your tweets, your text messages.  They all exist in time (and sort of space, somewhere).


Monday, June 17, 2013

Painting - invertedFall Title Screen

Painting - invertedFall Title Screen

Rebuilt my title screen for invertedFall for our prototype for tomorrow.

Quick half hour painting with oil paints, using two reference images.


Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Gaming - Feminism



Gaming - Feminism



Yesterday, my friend Elizabeth Ludwig and I had a long conversation over facebook about feminism and video games. Sort of touched off by a particular event in relation to E3, but also in a broader sense about the misconceptions we had with each others' perceptions. In the end, I pretty much talked myself into capitulating with her position, but it makes for interesting reading.



Be warned, it IS a facebook conversation, and therefore very ill-written, at least on my part.


Sunday, June 9, 2013

invertedFall - Digital Painting

invertedFall - Digital Painting

Quick digital painting I threw together that will form the basis of my Front End assignment over the next two weeks.  It's for invertedFall, one of the games I'm actively working on.

Quotes - Remember Me

Quotes - Remember Me

"In the End, man is not entirely guilty - he did not start history.  Nor is he wholly innocent - he continues it."
- Albert Camus

Monday, June 3, 2013

Painting - Speed Tree Shadow

Painting - Speed Tree Shadow

Just a really quick speedpainting I did in 3 minutes using a new tool for my computer.  Pastel and watercolors on concrete.


Friday, May 24, 2013

Life - Bullying

Life - Bullying

"Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can make me think I deserved it." -Today's XKCD

Sunday, May 12, 2013

Life - Nodus Tollens

 Life - Nodus Tollens

n. the realization that the plot of your life doesn’t make sense to you anymore—that although you thought you were following the arc of the story, you keep finding yourself immersed in passages you don’t understand, that don’t even seem to belong in the same genre—which requires you to go back and reread the chapters you had originally skimmed through to get to the good parts, only to learn that all along you were supposed to choose your own adventure.

#DictionaryOfObscureSorrows

Saturday, May 11, 2013

Writing - Machine Ghosts

Writing - Machine Ghosts

These are the days of machine ghosts, of data through wires, threads and lines of human consciousness without beginning nor end.  These are the days that the images of ourselves are being left as digital imprints, records of tracings, momentary flickers of acknowledgement before we spin our way again down the binary ether.  Images come and go, and data flows.


Monday, April 29, 2013

Life - On Forgetting

Life - On Forgetting

That moment when you try to search high and low on the internet for something you remember and can't find it...anywhere.  This piece of text, in a vast ocean of human thought, memory and binary data.  Only none of it is what you are SEARCHING for!

Arg

Monday, April 15, 2013

Thoughts - On Attractiveness

Thoughts - On Attractiveness

RsonW wrote this, a simple contemplation on attractiveness, and gendered stereotypes.


Thursday, April 11, 2013

Quotes - Fred Rogers

Quotes - Fred Rogers

“At the center of the Universe is a loving heart that continues to beat and that wants the best for every person. Anything that we can do to help foster the intellect and spirit and emotional growth of our fellow human beings, that is our job. Those of us who have this particular vision us to continue against all odds. Life is for service.” 
 Fred Rogers

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Life - On Birthdays

Life - On Birthdays

Once a year, pretty much every 365 days like clockwork, you get to celebrate for 24 hours the fact that you exist.  It's kind of a peculiar little thing.  You've not actually done anything of real significance to deserve it, other than having continued to consume food and air and just...well living.

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Life - Mahpiohanzia

Life - Mahpiohanzia

n. the disappointment of being unable to fly, unable to stretch out your arms and vault into the air, having finally shrugged off the ballast of your own weight and ignited the fuel tank of unfulfilled desires you've been storing up since before you were born.
#DictionaryOfObscureSorrows

Writing - Colonel Thomas Ferebee

Writing - Colonel Thomas Ferebee

Ferebee.

Thomas Ferebee.

Colonel Thomas Ferebee.

Colonel Thomas Ferebee, the name of the man, the soldier, the airman, who pressed a button.  He pressed a button and a bomb fell from a plane.

Colonel Thomas Ferebee was an airman, who pressed a button, and dropped a bomb from a plane.  He dropped a bomb that would later be known as the first atomic bomb.  The first atomic bomb on people.  The first atomic bomb from a plane, at the push of his button, on people.

Colonel Thomas Ferebee pushed a button and dropped a bomb, and a hundred and fifty thousand people, a hundred and fifty thousand people died in a flash so hot, and so fast, that it left shadows where they stood.  Colonel Thomas Ferebee, an airman, pressed a button and an atomic bomb fell down from a plane.

The bomb killed a hundred and fifty thousand people.  No one ever says, history does not remember, "Colonel Thomas Ferebee killed a hundred and fifty thousand people."

No one remeembers that Colonel Thomas Ferebee pushed a button.

They only remember the white hot flash.

And the silence thereafter.

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

World Theatre Day - Dario Fo

World Theatre Day - Dario Fo

Today is World Theatre Day!


Advice - On Boredom

The point of feeling bored in a long car ride is to learn patience.

You sit there, with nothing to do but wait. You're trapped, you have nowhere to go. You can stare out the window, but there's nothing new. It's just an eternity of monotony.

But the truth:

There's no eternity of monotony. Sit there, and eventually you'll get to where you're going, through no action of your own. Things change if you do nothing. Things change if you be patient, quiet down, and simply wait.

You get what you want, that is, to get to your destination, through doing an action: wait in silence while nothing happens.

Want to avoid knee-jerk reactionism? Spend five hours driving without a radio to listen to.

Want to think rationally after a fight? Sit in a room with your anger and stare at a wall until you fall asleep.

Meditation is little more than letting the nothingness of what is happening to you overtake you.

Boredom is resistance to that nothingness.

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Life - Gnossienne

Life - Gnossienne


n. a moment of awareness that someone you’ve known for years still has a private and mysterious inner life, and somewhere in the hallways of their personality is a door locked from the inside, a stairway leading to a wing of the house that you’ve never fully explored—an unfinished attic that will remain maddeningly unknowable to you, because ultimately neither of you has a map, or a master key, or any way of knowing exactly where you stand.

#Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows

Thursday, March 14, 2013

Observations - Airports

Observations - Airports

There's nothing quite like sitting in an airport for two hours to make you really begin to notice how truly different we all look as humans.  Different in the way we act, dress, move, even respond to one another.  There's something amazingly and truly diverse about this particular ecosystem.  Most public places cater to a certain type of person, or a certain economic class or race, but in some ways you just don't see that the same way in an airport.

I guess there are all the people who can't afford to fly, but that's a thing I suppose.

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Michael Moore - Don't Look Away

Michael Moore - Don't Look Away

Michael Moore posted in his blog today, the link and article are below.  It's hard to put into words what exactly you feel about it, a couple months after the fact.  It's still visceral, and in many cases you want to stop reading, you feel compelled to stop for your own sanity's sake.  But you have to keep reading, because it is difficult, and troubling, and horrifying.  But it bears witnessing.

Hopefully the day he talks about is coming soon.


Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Life - Set Time Aside

Life - Set Time Aside

I have a smart phone.  I have a smart phone of the latest brand, and quality, running the latest operating system.  I have a smart phone that hooks up to a bluetooth headset that I can control with the sound of my voice, and I'm teaching it to respond to my eye movements (the galaxy s3 is a wonder).  I have a computer that is always on, and a myriad of very specific, encrypted ways to get into it from wherever I am so I can access my data, be they pictures, or music, or algorithms, save files, programs, utilities.

Monday, March 11, 2013

Life - Kenopsia

Life - Kkenopsia

n. the eerie, forlorn atmosphere of a place that’s usually bustling with people but is now abandoned and quiet—a school hallway in the evening, an unlit office on a weekend, vacant fairgrounds—an emotional afterimage that makes it seem not just empty but hyper-empty, with a total population in the negative, who are so conspicuously absent they glow like neon signs.

#Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows

Sunday, March 10, 2013

Amanda Palmer - The Art of Asking

Amanda Palmer - The Art of Asking

I just recently watched a quick Ted Talk by Amanda Palmer, called The Art of Asking.  It is a pretty recent one and is currently going viral all over the 'interwebs'.

http://www.ted.com/talks/amanda_palmer_the_art_of_asking.html

I'm writing this post as a place holder intending to reflect considerably more on it later.  But thought I'd share it for now.

Friday, March 1, 2013

Advice - On Moving On

Advice - On Moving On

One of my hobbies...reading the bestof threads in Reddit once in a while.  People are on occasion truly eloquent or give advice or moments of clarity in a way that you had never truly considered before.  This one is a piece from a person with the nickname 'ChubbyDane' who wrote in response to someone saying "How do I move on?"

Thursday, February 28, 2013

Life - Forget

Life - Forget

To be willingly forgotten, is to be cast away and the memory removed.  To be willingly forgotten.  To pretend the memories never existed, and pretend and wish and dream so hard that they never did.  To alter truth, and time, and space.  To willingly forget you knew a person.  To cast them adrift, in a sea of nothings that had never been, and become to one another as strangers again.

Without the light of acknowledgement in your eyes, did we ever know each other once?

I am pleased.

To have made your acquaintance. 

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Life - Sonder

Life - Sonder

"sonder
n. the realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own—populated with their own ambitions, friends, routines, worries and inher
ited craziness—an epic story that continues invisibly around you like an anthill sprawling deep underground, with elaborate passageways to thousands of other lives that you’ll never know existed, in which you might appear only once, as an extra sipping coffee in the background, as a blur of traffic passing on the highway, as a lighted window at dusk."


#TheDictionaryofObscureSorrows

Monday, February 18, 2013

Divine Horizon - Speech

Divine Horizon - Speech



One of the tasks I made for myself in working on Divine Horizon was to write an inciting speech by fictional Cardinal al-Rashid. It was a great assignment for myself in studying speech pathology, what works linguistically and what doesn't, and great speeches both in history and in fiction. Below is my first pass at writing this speech, which Cardinal al-Rashid gives in Damascus just prior to being assassinated. It draws heavily from Charlie Chaplin's Great Dictator speech.



Sunday, February 17, 2013

Divine Horizon - Janelle

Divine Horizon - Janelle

So for one of the projects I'm doing right now, I've created a character for the 'communally written game' we're working on called Divine Horizon.  One of these things that we did as an exercise is we all created a character, 8 people, for our game.  These 8 characters would form the backbone for the playercharacters in the game.

Saturday, February 9, 2013

UDK - Cloudfight

UDK - Cloudfight

Just posting some updates on my newest map, UDK - VCTF Cloudfight.

It's a capture the flag map between two massive towers where span bridges provide access to the opposing team bases.  Lots of jumping around, flying through the air and wide open spaces for fighting in.


Sunday, February 3, 2013

Life - Ignorance

Life - Ignorance

You can't plead ignorance for the rest of your life.  "I didn't know", and "no one ever told me", will only ever work for so long...At some point, you need to know, to research, to respect, and to understand.

Potential needs to become growth sooner or later, or else it is forever wasted.

Saturday, January 26, 2013

Quotes - Mussolini

Quotes - Mussolini

I've been researching history all day today, mostly in broad swaths of information, but I stumbled upon this fascinating quote of Mussolini's, when he was interviewed early in 1945, shortly before he was executed.

Yes, madam, I am finished. My star has fallen. I have no fight left in me. I work and I try, yet know that all is but a farce ... I await the end of the tragedy and – strangely detached from everything – I do not feel any more an actor. I feel I am the last of spectators.
-Benito Mussolini to Madeleine Mollier

Life - Choose

Life - Choose

Friday, January 25, 2013

Life - Miss and Dance

Life - Miss and Dance

Just one of those funny moments that you sometimes have to catalog.  Near misses.

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Game Design - CloudFight

Game Design - CloudFight

A couple of renders from the second UDK game level I'm making.  These are just rough renders of my layout done with blocks and quick extrudes in Google Sketchup

It's a neat little program, I'm glad I had a chance and opportunity to mess around with it.

Anyway Enjoy!



With the popularity of Morpheus as an arena battleground, Liandri knew they were on to something special.  Quietly they purchased several huge tracts of land on Taryd and began construction of a number of the tallest skyscrapers the moon-station has ever known.  Newly commissioned as a CTF arena, Cloudfight tests combatants on their reflexes, aim and overcoming a terrifying sense of vertigo.  The gates are open and glory awaits on the newest Tournament Arena.
 

Thursday, January 17, 2013

Musings - On Gun Ownership

Musings - On Gun Ownership

What if, everyone in the world who was willing to pull a trigger had to take a shot in the chest.  No kevlar, no shielding, no anything.  What if anyone and everyone, who was willing to kill someone else had to take a hit first, had to know how it feels like, really how it feels like, before they could ever commit to the same action against others.  Had to watch themselves bleed, had to deal with the pain, with the lasting damage, with the time it takes to get better, or the chance of not getting better.  All before they could fire their own weapon.

Monday, January 14, 2013

Death - Aaron Swartz

Death - Aaron Swartz

Cory Doctorow wrote this about Aaron Swartz, whose passing 3 days ago has shocked much of the internet community, and yet is essentially unreported by worldwide news.  Swartz, who championed, wrote, and contributed to an almost inarticulate number of internet, freedom of speech, and freedom of information projects was only 26 when he committed suicide on Jan 11th. 

A more detailed reading of Aaron Swartz, a remarkable young man my age can be found here.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aaron_Swartz


Thursday, January 10, 2013

Life - Missing

Life - Missing

My opinion is that for all our technology, we also live in a tragic time of just missing one another, by inches malformed as words.  That everything we want to say is so close, and so far away.  It should be so easy, so simple to reach out and say "I miss you", "I care", "I'm here".  But we don't.  We can't.  We've bound ourselves at arms length away from one another.  I don't know why, but we do, every day and in every way.

Sunday, January 6, 2013

Writing - Gypsy

Writing - Gypsy


Gypsy
"Silver forests, and demon's shining eyes, tracing the tree-line freely,
with silken ribbons tied around my ankles. I am from a rank, where I
can lead souls across the Styx, carrying myself on the wings of silent
flight, the only guardian of the frozen gates. I am from the restless
nights, where the fireflies dance, through the tunnel visions of
infinite peace. I am from the awakening, when your soul plummets back
into your body, and the feathers fly, as a dismal reminder of a dance
destroyed. I am from the Owl's eyes, where sounds and voices cannot
escape, lonely amber tangled around darkness, in visions of unbound
paralysis. I am from the omen of death itself, until the point when all
existance runs dry, weaving its way into the forest, arriving at our
feet."

-Aubrey Osiris, Grace

Thursday, January 3, 2013

Life - Kid Stuck In A Skateboard Bowl

Life - Kid Stuck In A Skateboard Bowl

This was on reddit this morning, I thought I'd post a rebuttal.