Monday, July 14, 2014

Life - Not What We Are Looking For

Life - Not What We Are Looking For

Dear [Name],

Thank you for applying for the position of [Title],

We appreciate your interest in this position, and your taking the time to apply.  However we are sorry to inform you that after careful consideration, we have decided to follow up with other applicants who more closely match the requirements for this position, and the needs of the department.  We feel you would not be a good fit for our corporate structure and the fit of our current employee environment.

We think you are a dreamer, and that you want different things.  We think that you are unsuitable because we cannot offer you an outlet for your creative interests.  We are of the opinion that you are too talented, too creative, too innovative, too different, too strange, too outgoing, too loud, too quiet, too under-qualified, too over-qualified.  We want someone who conforms, who fits, who is easy, and simple, and straightforward.

We think you have too many jagged corners, that you are filled with too many stories to tell, too many anecdotes and ideas.  We think you use two words where one is often good, and none are better.  We wonder if you will have your head in the clouds, dreaming of different worlds, of the way people interact and come together, exchange words and become different.  Instead of being pragmatic, instead of looking at the methodology we require of how two plus two is four.  Because two plus two is always four.  And for you, sometimes two plus two is five.  And sometimes, two plus two is three.

We think you are a thing that is not human, because you dream of different things.  We think we will never be able to offer you money to stay grounded, because you don't care about compensation.  We think we cannot control you with dental plans, or healthcare, or vacation pay because these concepts are foreign to you.  We think you will not adhere to a 9 hour work day, that you will stay too late, and take work home, and dream and work, and work and dream.  That your life might be intertwined too closely with the job, and we cannot have that.

We are sorry to inform you that upon careful consideration, these reasons are too much for us to ignore, and we have decided to pursue other applicants and candidates.  It is not personal.  You are just too outlier.

We encourage you to visit our career site often to see what jobs become available that might be a better fit for you.  We will keep your credentials and profile in our database.  If you would like to receive automated notifications for new openings, please, sign up with a profile to our human resources department.

Sincerely,
Human Resources

Replies to this message are undeliverable, and will not reach HR.  Please, do not reply.